Demi Lovato is speaking openly about what caused her relapse back in 2018. When the singer recently sat down with Ashley Graham for a guest appearance on Graham's podcast Pretty Big Deal, she shared that trying to recover from her eating disorder was a trigger for her. Lovato said she had "thought the past few years was recovery from an eating disorder, when it actually was just completely falling into it". 


Lovato shares fitness struggle: "I'd eat a meal, go workout"

According to Lovato, she didn't realize she wasn't really recovering when she was dieting and overexercising since she was trying to maintain her image. She says that since no one around her picked up on her unhealthy "fitness" routine, she couldn't see it was actually excessive.

"Like, there were days when I lived at the gym, and I would take business meetings at the gym on my breaks from my workouts," Lovato shared with Graham. "And I’d be gross, but at least I didn’t have to leave and shower and I could go right back into my workout. I’d eat a meal, go workout, eat a meal, go workout. And it’s like, that’s just not happiness to me, that’s not freedom".

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Lovato's fixation on image: "I was running myself into the ground"

Lovato said that while she was stuck in that unhealthy fitness routine, the attitude of the people she was surrounded by was also damaging to her mindset.

"When you have certain people around you that are telling you certain things, that you should look a certain way, it makes it harder," she revealed. "So I was in that situation, and I was just running myself into the ground, and I honestly think that’s kind of what led to everything happening over the past year".

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Did you know that Demi Lovato has a half-sister? She actually appeared on Desperate Housewives!

Demi Lovato on her change in mindset and body positivity

"It was just me thinking I found recovery when I didn’t and then living this kind of lie, and trying to tell the world that I was happy with myself when I really wasn’t," she admitted. Moving forward though, Lovato intends to live a much more authentic and body positive life. 

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"I’m not going to worry about trying to look a certain way or fit a certain mold or whatever, that’s just not who I am,” she said. "Like I had to work my ass off every day at the gym six days a week to maintain that figure, and it’s just like, that led me only one way, and I don’t want to go down that path again. So I’m not willing to like, destroy my mental health to look a certain way anymore".

Watch Demi's appearance on Ashley Graham's Pretty Big Deal podcast here!